In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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