made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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