I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
