My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
honey bunches of taint.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
