It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
