This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
