So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
