sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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