you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
