spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Still dying that you shit outside
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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