he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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