Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize