ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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