Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
