I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
