would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
