I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
