I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
