Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
