my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A+ Viking dick
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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