I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
