Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
