Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
