Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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