I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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