i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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