he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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