Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
