I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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