My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
