the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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