he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is my gift to your gina
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
