Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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