Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
