Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
