Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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