Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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