Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
