you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
