I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this hospital has no fireball
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize