We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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