she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
