I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize