chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize