Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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