shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
