White coat. Heels.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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