everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
