You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
