don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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