So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
