She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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