At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
