I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
