we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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