Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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