guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
