It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
