Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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