Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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