By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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