Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
