Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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