Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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