I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
