Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
