Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
