so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
