oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
