too bad you live with your parents still
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
