so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
