we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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